......s

Funny to think how things could turn totally in a way that you can never expect it to be. Or people. Whatever. But then again, who am I to judge?

Sometimes you'd think, why did that thing that happened, happen?

I can choose to continue torturing myself by thinking of it over and over, trying to find an explanation. Trying to justify.

But I can also choose to let it go.

I do hope that I can let it go. Forever.

It just hurts so much when sometimes it came flashing back to mind slicing through like a poisonous wound. And I know it will. These things won't just go away like that. Even how much you want them to go away. They just don't.

I just want to forget the misery, go to sleep, and wake up to brighter days ahead.

Tunggu...

Dah lama gile tak hapdet blog ni. Mcm best jugak hidupkan balik.

Sekarang aku sedang menunggu. Menunggu email dari seseorang dengan penuh sabar. Harap2nya respond dia seperti yang dihajati.

Tak sabar nak mulakan suasana baru.

Tapi aku mesti akan rindukan si dia....


Aku pasti kembali.

One world one nation

I am only 2 weeks here but am so fucking pissed off already over how ignorant this country is. They seem to be living in a world of their own, totally separated from the beautifully diversified world that we all know. Most don't bother to understand even simple english words. They even have a chinese name for every single english name, just so that non-chinese speaking foreigners will really suffer in this country to even do the simplest stuff imaginable e.g. telling the taxi driver the name of your hotel, let alone to find "halal food" - renaissance is known to the locals as "ren pe yek kau", fraser residence is "fau ka you". Ok i made those names up. But it's true. And worse, these chinese names are, of course, written only in chinese. So how are you supposed to know? Ask the hotel staff? Good luck, i say. It might take you at least 7 attempts to get your question right into their head.

To those true fighters of bahasa kebangsaan in our country, i suggest you come to china for maybe a month and you will know just exactly what i am talking about.

Tremor

I was interviewing some girl (well, for work, obviously) when suddenly there were some commotions and panic in the office. Then that girl asked me if i feel kinda dizzy, which i did. I asked what is about, and she said there's an earthquake. Oh man, that was my first encounter with earthquake (i somehow missed the one that hit KL last year sometime during the tsunami), and i was not totally amused. When i arrived in hotel at about 8pm, the death toll as reported on CNN was somewhere around 100 (including 900 students trapped under the collapsed school building). But by now, 12.01am, the total fatalities has hit a disastrous 7000+!! The center of the quake is a province called Chengdu, and only last week did the team have a small discussion on whether we should include Chengdu or not for field visit, which we eventually decided against it in view of its less consequential activity as compared to other provinces.

Dear friends, pray that I will be back to KL in one healthy piece.

Freezing

Beijing is so cold, with temperature between 5 to 10 degrees celcius. Aku plak dengan tshirt murah petaling street, memang menggigil2. Orang2 lain yang berjaket bagai, semuanya pandang semacam je. Jaket yg bawak pulak kotor, kena antar laundry dulu.

Sesampai je kat sini, dah memalukan diri sdiri - lepas dah jumpa driver kat airport, dia bawak aku ke kereta, dia tolong letakkan beg dalam bonet, aku plak dengan spontan terus ke pintu depan sblh kiri. Tiba2 dia cuit belakang, kemudian bagi isyarat tangan yg aku tak paham (oh, by the way, language is really a problem here, much like bangkok). Lama aku fikir, pastu tergelak besar. They are right-hand driving, so pintu yang aku bukak tu seat driver. Tah apa2 lah agaknye mamat tu fikir, hopefully bukan "berlagaknye dia ni, baru sampai dah nak pandai2 drive"

For dinner, had sthg that i wish i could immediately erase from memory, forever.

And before you ask, no it's not pork.

Nor was it frog.

Yucks.

Midnite mumbling

It’s 12.45am and I just reached home from office. It has been a really, really loooong and tiring day, and it’s Friday for crying out loud – left home at 6.00am today (or, technically it was yesterday) so that I could jog around the klcc park before I start working. Been working till so late everyday that I couldn’t find time for my own health that I have to resort to exercising (albeit irregularly) in the early morning instead.

When the works just got too hectic to the point of unbearable, I couldn’t help but always thought about the options that lay ahead of me within the next few months – stay and get promoted, get moved out to another function which will definitely require me to not stay in each place more than 2 months (at least for a total of a good 2 to 3 years), or the last option which I quite like the most but probably with the biggest hassles – resign and go work elsewhere, far from this work-crazy society.

As for now, I try to take one step at a time – finish the fiscal account for the audit next week, then get myself ready for the audit in china which starts end of next week (the audit boss has warned me over our teleconf the other day “you must come running and in high gear. Do not spend the first 2 days there just trying to understand the work program”), then come back and do the crazily tedious month-end on my own in preparation for the internal promo. It’s actually all these that in the past several months has robbed me from my own personal time– all the weekday nites and weekends that I should have spent more leisurely.

Right now I couldn’t help but think – are these all really worth it? I really need to start re-considering my priorities.

Text

Tak tau kenapa but I don't fancy the technology called "short messaging system" or "sms".

Whenever I receive an sms (that warrants a response that is, not just some promotional smses from banks or Senheng), my mind would be contemplating - should I respond now, or can I respond later? If I need to respond now, would it suffice to just type a few words as a reply? Is it appropriate? Or would it be interpreted by the other party that I am just being uninterested? OK, if I delay my reply (in order to come out with a longer, more appropriate reply) won't the other party start wondering why does it take so long for me to reply an sms? "Isn't it simple a task to do?" one might ask.

Sigh. And most of the time, I ended up not replying anything.

That, until I have some time on my own when I have nothing much to do but to see thru my inbox and start clearing it up - deleting, replying if required, moving them to other folders etc.

Once, I got this "Dah 2 hari aku send sms tu hari ni baru kau nak reply? Lama aku pk ape benda yg kau cakap ni..."

Sorry folks :)